It's a mystery of the universe that we can be looking at God and judge Her by Star Magazine standards...
My uncle went to Amma's program in Dallas and wrote me a detailed email of all of his observations of the experience. What stood out to him the most was that both Amma and her leading Swami were (in his opinion) overweight. Oh my Goddess-- I cringed while reading and re-reading that quick slash of criticism-- are you calling the Divine Mother fat?! It was hurtful to feel darling Amma Ma judged by such superficial standards, but then I thought, Oh My Goddess, are we calling the Divine Mother fat all the time?!
The shock of this superficial judgment made me realize I had been doing the exact same thing (maybe slightly less obviously) during the programs in New York. I was happy to be there and excited as I am every year Amma comes, but in my mind I was also host to a cranky streak, wishing people would move and let me get a better view. I started judging the experience by the actions of people around the hall--why couldn't my fellow volunteers be less frenetic while they sat people? It's a hectic process to get thousands of people seated and oriented, but did they have to do it so harshly? Etc, etc, etc.
But everything changed once I had Darshan. On my way up it was like spiritual airport security. My Darshan token, S1, like a number at the DMV, was checked and double-checked as I neared the center of the blossom that is Amma's hugging seat. Once I made it that close, having persevered my own obstacles of impatience and pettiness, I glimpsed Amma in her simple and glorious task of Embracing the World. Once you finally do make it up there, the residue of the challenges you passed through to make it there melt away. Amma really is shining with LOVE! You can feel it pulsating from her. In that bright, clear light anything besides just Hugging and Loving life is extra, an unnecessary distraction. Why had I wasted my time even considering the weight of the program around me? Suddenly, in Her arms, enveloped in soft fat, my only rational thought was "Don't Let Go"! My outward eye of judgment to the program was no different than wishing it were skinnier! If Creation is the Divine Mother manifest, than any criticism of ourselves or others is calling Amma Fat! She is what She is and I believe it is Amma's deep-soaked acceptance and compassion that make her so radiant.
There is an apt Yogi Tea bag quote that comes to mind now: "Where there is Love, there is no Judgment". Amma teaches this in her hugs. It is as if she is saying, "Isn't this enough? This Love--isn't it enough?" The dichotomy between my thinking beforehand and my feeling post Darshan was a lesson in the sharpness of mind and the softness of abiding in openness. This is the power of a Teacher, to lead you into an experience of yourself you can't access on your own. Practice grows naturally out of longing to return to that feeling. I still complain about waiting in line in life, but I am feeling more trusting that the judgments are just passing and that it's, big, plump, juicy, PHAT unconditional Love that makes the world go round.
My uncle went to Amma's program in Dallas and wrote me a detailed email of all of his observations of the experience. What stood out to him the most was that both Amma and her leading Swami were (in his opinion) overweight. Oh my Goddess-- I cringed while reading and re-reading that quick slash of criticism-- are you calling the Divine Mother fat?! It was hurtful to feel darling Amma Ma judged by such superficial standards, but then I thought, Oh My Goddess, are we calling the Divine Mother fat all the time?!
The shock of this superficial judgment made me realize I had been doing the exact same thing (maybe slightly less obviously) during the programs in New York. I was happy to be there and excited as I am every year Amma comes, but in my mind I was also host to a cranky streak, wishing people would move and let me get a better view. I started judging the experience by the actions of people around the hall--why couldn't my fellow volunteers be less frenetic while they sat people? It's a hectic process to get thousands of people seated and oriented, but did they have to do it so harshly? Etc, etc, etc.
But everything changed once I had Darshan. On my way up it was like spiritual airport security. My Darshan token, S1, like a number at the DMV, was checked and double-checked as I neared the center of the blossom that is Amma's hugging seat. Once I made it that close, having persevered my own obstacles of impatience and pettiness, I glimpsed Amma in her simple and glorious task of Embracing the World. Once you finally do make it up there, the residue of the challenges you passed through to make it there melt away. Amma really is shining with LOVE! You can feel it pulsating from her. In that bright, clear light anything besides just Hugging and Loving life is extra, an unnecessary distraction. Why had I wasted my time even considering the weight of the program around me? Suddenly, in Her arms, enveloped in soft fat, my only rational thought was "Don't Let Go"! My outward eye of judgment to the program was no different than wishing it were skinnier! If Creation is the Divine Mother manifest, than any criticism of ourselves or others is calling Amma Fat! She is what She is and I believe it is Amma's deep-soaked acceptance and compassion that make her so radiant.
There is an apt Yogi Tea bag quote that comes to mind now: "Where there is Love, there is no Judgment". Amma teaches this in her hugs. It is as if she is saying, "Isn't this enough? This Love--isn't it enough?" The dichotomy between my thinking beforehand and my feeling post Darshan was a lesson in the sharpness of mind and the softness of abiding in openness. This is the power of a Teacher, to lead you into an experience of yourself you can't access on your own. Practice grows naturally out of longing to return to that feeling. I still complain about waiting in line in life, but I am feeling more trusting that the judgments are just passing and that it's, big, plump, juicy, PHAT unconditional Love that makes the world go round.
